Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Definition straight off Google. No shame.

Practically every sane human being has empathy, at least a certain degree of it. You have to admit, you know you only tell a few of your friends your biggest secrets/weaknesses. It isn’t hard to understand why this is; it’s because you know they are better at empathizing with you.

Empathy isn’t just inherited, however. Unless you are clinically psychopathic, seriously, than you have the ability to empathize with your peers. So, when it boils down to it, you have to practice it. If you wanna be a caring person, that is. And it may sound confusing, the idea of “practicing empathy”. How do you do it? Practicing empathy is done by self regulation.

Self regulation, a term coined by myself (kinda), is teaching yourself to not react a certain way to a situation. Suppose a friend blows you off, when you readily wanted to hangout. They just didn’t respond, rudely. Now, the gut instinct reaction here is to get angry or upset with them. Okay, that is natural. However, some people let it get to them way too much, and justify it by the fact they were wronged. OKAY- fair, you were wronged. However, you don’t always know why; and the empathetic thing to practice here would be to learn to just internalize the emotion and move on. It may take 2,3,10 times before you get it down- but that is why it is called practice. Another example would be getting mad at your dog for using your rug as a toilet. Again, instinct is to be upset, and maybe you feel obligated to yell at the dog to train it to know better. However, empathy here would be understanding that had you taken your dog outside, it likely wouldn’t have done what it did. Not always the case, I understand, but empathy is seeing the situation from all angles or at least trying to.

That is my personal practice. As a kid, I was naturally empathetic, like many people, however I constantly let my own feelings get in the way in these opportunities for empathy. So, this is what I do. Empathy is trying to see situations from both perspectives, no matter how fucking hard it may be. I don’t have sympathy for those who constantly let their anger get the better of them, without even showing effort to slow it or stop it. Everyone is reactionary, okay, not just you- some have greater difficulty than others, but if you aren’t even trying to manage, you are not getting my sympathy. As a kid, I had always been sensitive and even described as “angry”. Anybody reading this now may have trouble believing this. I have changed in my life. I am now more oft described as somber or calm. Even boring at times. I don’t really care.

The reason I bring this up is because lately I have realized how much of a difference an empathetic person makes. My family is great, especially my mom. They care so much for me, and seem to understand me better than I even understand myself at times. I wonder what it would be like that if everyone taught themselves to be like that.

I’ll end this post with a motivational quote of my own creation.

No matter how bad you have it, there will always be someone who is going through the same stuff, if not worse, as you are.

Thanks for reading

Luca DeJesu, 4:25pm

“Normal”

Normal is a word I don’t really like. Simply put, I don’t know what it means. If you gave me a piece of paper and told me to define it I honestly wouldn’t be able to.

Plus, being called “normal” as a person is a borderline insult these days. Nobody wants to be called that. It has developed a bad reputation. In that sense, I guess the way I see normal is being ordinary, bland, regular. Normal technically just means being in the norm, being common, typical.

But if thats the case, then what is the norm? That is where it gets complicated. Normal for me is different than normal for you. I don’t consider myself normal, but then again I don’t think anyone does.

And I hate when I tell people that fact: “I don’t think I am normal”. It gives off the wrong vibe. People seem to think that saying that means I think I have a problem, or worse, that I am of low self esteem or depressed. None of which are currently true, I just mean I think I am different from a typical 20 year old guy.

So, how do I say this? How do I determine I am “different than a typical 20 year old guy”? Well, if you wanna find out yourself, it depends on how you differentiate people. Here is how I do it. Maybe you can relate.

The way I ultimately define people, if I am to judge them generally, is by the goals they set for themselves, the things they put value in.

I don’t always understand what people are trying to achieve, and sometimes I do understand, I just don’t know why. I have met countless people that had made it a first class priority in high school to get laid. 16 year olds putting a night of sex ahead of everything. And I still have plenty of friends like that. I don’t care personally, I hate trying to interfere with other people’s lives. On the other side of that coin, though, I have met people who made it their goal to simply be happy or content. Those people line up with me.

If you were to ask me at any point in my life, what make main goal was/is, I can assure you that it will always be the same answer: to be happy.

No, I am not depressed. I just mean it honestly: the number one most important thing to me in my life is happiness, and it always has been that. I realize there are other things in life that need attention, like college degrees, making money, nice cars, a nice house, etc. The reason many people seek out those materialistic things though, I find, is ultimately to be happy. However, in my mind, happiness comes from within. Happiness isn’t what you have, it’s what you make of what you have. Honestly. That statement is 100 percent true.

Every once in a while, stop what you’re doing, ask yourself “What am I aiming at?” If you do this enough, over time, you will become much more efficient at actually getting to the goal you desire.

Thanks for reading

Luca DeJesu, 3:28 AM

Cloudy Weather

What’s your favorite kind of weather? Simple question that evokes many different answers. “Partly Cloudy” “Sunny” “London””Miami” “New York”. I think it is safe to say that there are positives in any kind of weather.

For me, however, I love overcast. Yep- the kind of weather that has been correlated with melancholy. I’m not sad, in fact I’ve been very content lately. It feels good. Anyways, back to the point- I love me a grey day.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey

Oh, you weren’t happy before your metaphorical sunshine came and stopped the hell of the the grey sky? God. The nerve of some people.

Kidding, sorta. Just never understood why sunny is preferred by what seems most people. Why does sunny= joy but cloudy= clinically depressed. Okay, MAYBE I’m exaggerating to try and be funny, but you get the point.

You know, I was born on a cloudy day. November 21st, 1996 in Dallas Texas was a day of overcast. Interesting, right? Born on a day that is filled with clouds, become a cloud aficionado. If you wanna check what the weather was like on your day of birth, you can try it out here: https://www.wunderground.com/history/

So, here come’s a new theory from me. I know, exciting.

I have had this theory that they type of weather you prefer/take a liking to depends strongly on two factors 1). They weather on the day you entered the world and 2). how much you enjoy socializing (Introvert vs. Extrovert). I know this isn’t that important of a matter and I am probably over-examining it, but I am pretty confident in this. For example, I associate extroverts with the love of sunny weather; everyone is outside when it’s bright and sunny, and extroverted people get energy from being around others. On the other side of the coin, I say the introverts of the world fancy a rainy and cloudy/ overcast day. People stay inside when it’s rainy, and it gives us introverts a golden excuse to say “I can’t hangout tonight :(“. You can’t drive in rain, FUCKING DUH!

As for people who like party cloudy days the most, come off of it. You’re not hipster. Everyone knows partly cloudy is the most boring type of weather. Plain, bland, generic, sucky. Pick one. Dark and depressing or light and giddy.

TOTALLY completely joking in that last paragraph. Use my theory and figure out more about yourself, why you enjoy a certain type of weather.

“Cloudy weather is the thinking man’s weather”

Thanks for reading,

Luca DeJesu, 1:31pm

The Paradox of Free Time

I have come to realize that I, like most people, am always looking forward to free time. I work and go to class and sometimes the thing that I most anticipate about the day is when I get off or when my class is over, so I have some time to myself.

It isn’t hard to say that people generally want more free time. Some people have a lot less of it than others, others complain they have too much.

What do you do once you get a little free time though? Free time is the time you have to do whatever you want, free of restraint or responsibilities- the possibilities are endless. However, it seems that people are constantly getting bored or running out of ideas for what to do. I do.

That is the strange paradox, the weird problem with free time. You’ve got all the options in the world yet you’re sitting at home watching TV. This isn’t the case with all people however, as a lot of people use it to work out, catch up on socializing, or even just rest. Those people. I like to call those people “productive”.

Personally, I hate when I waste open time. I usually have some sort of project I’m at least thinking about, and mostly spend this time trying to create. I get lazy though. I look at the work schedule. Wow, I have monday-thursday off. I can’t wait. Then, those precious days off come, and I find that more often than not I get lazy. Especially when I have a long period of having little to responsibilities. If I don’t have somewhere to be regularly, I tend to slump into an even lazier version of myself (ex. summer break). It’s kinda like a bike. Leave it outside for too long and the metal will rust; then, when you finally decide to ride it again, it doesn’t wanna go as much as it used to. It’s worn down, rusty. Same thing with people.

I’ll end this post with a recommendation. When you have free time, start creating stuff. Even if you don’t think of yourself as a “creative person”- just start something. A video, a painting, a website, etc. Then, when you get another free day, you can continue to work on whatever it is you started. Doing this makes sure you aren’t wasting your time, and if do this method correctly you will enjoy it too. The more you do, the more active you will be, the more fun you will have, and likely the more successful you’ll be.

I got off work at 3pm today. I have no classes for about a month, so I am sitting at a coffee shop typing this post. This website is a product of my free time.

 

Thanks for reading

Luca DeJesu, 4:51pm

The Final 10 Percent

There is a certain magic to coming up with a new idea, or a new project. It’s exciting- you feel like you’ve got a great idea for something, and you’re gonna pull it off perfectly. Start planning it all out mentally, maybe write it down in a notebook, on a phone, computer, tablet etc. You get it all set up, and go ahead and jump in. Because, this project is gonna be amazing and you’re gonna devote 100 percent effort- therefore, the best time to start is today. 

So, you get through the early stages of whatever project it is you’re working on, an art piece, a short film, or maybe even something like an essay due in 2 weeks. Day 1. You’ve made a lot of progress already. Day 2, more of the same. The project is moving along nicely. You really are following through with it. You get to the point where everything is almost perfectly aligned, the “home stretch”. It seems as if the hardest part is over, the majority of the work is done, the project is near completion, and finishing up is all that is left.

Then I forget about it for a day. I figure the finishing touches will be easy, so I put it off for a day. Wait, I’ve got a test on Tuesday that I have to study for! For the sake of my test, I’ll put off completing that project over the weekend, so I can study.

Just like that, it’s been 2 weeks. That near finished product, the thing I’d been devoting so much time to, is sitting there. Just resting on the computer, 90 percent of a nice video waiting to be wrapped up and have a ribbon neatly placed on it. Ugh, its happened again. That final 10 percent.

Why is it that finishing something is so much more difficult than starting it? It really shouldn’t be, when you think about it. Starting a new creation requires much more mental effort- gotta conjure up an idea, write stuff down, organize blah, blah, blah. Yet its the last bit of editing, the publishing, and the final review that seems to be the most troublesome.

If I had a dollar for every project I started yet didn’t bother to finish, I’d have a bunch of dollars. I swear, it is one of the stupidest things I do. I start things and work on them like a mad man, get motivated, motivate others, just to ultimately procrastinate and let the egg go unsalted. It’s a metaphor.

Anyways, I know I’m not the only one with this problem. But still, it’s really no excuse. Although I have never been able to figure it out, to figure out why finishing the race is so much harder than just signing up. Here is to all of those projects this year that I started and are just waiting for those finishing touches- I raise my coffee to you. Then take a sip and finally sit down and complete them all. Maybe tomorrow.

Thanks for reading

Luca DeJesu, 4:36 AM

Motivation

Motivation. Everyone wants it, everyone needs it. I’ve always wondered why some days I feel more motivated than others.

There are many ways to get more motivated. An easy way is to read a quote from someone that ‘strikes a chord’ within you. I have included some of the ones that resonated with me on this site.

But a quote isn’t always enough, it doesn’t always work. Sometimes, just getting out there and doing it works- just doing or following through with whatever you had planned for that day.

And sometimes it is really hard to do that, for me at least. Like today. I just seemed to wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I guess. I had my alarm set for 11am, had a paper due at 1pm, so I figured I’d give myself 2 hours to wake up, eat, shower, and print the paper. Well. That is what I planned, but that isn’t what actually ended up happening. Slept in. Woke up at 12:35 pm, my school is a 20 min drive, still hadn’t printed my essay out. I rushed into my car, sped down the highway to school, swiftly printed out my essay, looking terrible and all, and turned it in at 1:02pm exactly. I then left school and went home to try and start things again- I had plans to get work done the night before. I was motivated when I went to sleep, but the rest of my day today was just off. Started on the wrong foot and never really recovered like I wanted to. Lost motivation as the day progressed I guess.

Occasionally getting your day started correctly makes a world of difference. And then again, some days you’ll wake up feeling motivated, get off to a great start, and then hit a wall. What do you do when you hit that wall? Well, here is what I do.

Get a coffee. This may not work for everyone, but when I have ran out of motivation or willpower, something enjoyable to have while trying to do or complete the tasks I have on my schedule helps. I like coffee, so I usually get one and then go back to doing whatever it was I was doing in the first place (usually homework, studying, maybe trying to create a new project).

Change it up a bit. Kinda vague, but essentially I just change my environment or surroundings. If I’m at home doing some studying and I hit a wall, I usually will drive to a coffee shop or some new sit down place. Just kinda refreshes the scene, makes me feel energized. No idea if that one will work for you.

Think. As a thinking kind of guy, I usually think about a lot of hypothetical situations. Here is an example. Say I am working on a short documentary, and its day 3 and I’m already getting lazy and considering putting off script writing for another day. I start to imagine the end result a bit, I guess fantasize it, but that sounds weird. However doing this motivates me, as I remember what my work is for- I imagine the big picture, not just the brush strokes.

Wow, I only listed 3 things. Welp, guess that means I need to find more ways to get motivated. Kidding, as long as it works, I don’t need to fix it. I write this post because this was an issue I encountered today; and I know that many, many, many people face this issue daily. Motivation. We all need it, like a vitamin. Who doesn’t need motivation? People like Steve Jobs, Albert Einstein, Michael Jordan, Vincent van Gogh, etc, wouldn’t have been so successful/remembered if it weren’t for motivation. They kept going, despite it being difficult for them as well. It is hard for all of us some days- thats the point.

Don’t use that as an excuse though. Any day can be a motivational day.

Thanks for reading

Luca DeJesu, 3:25 AM

hello

coffee_bandw

 

What is up. If you are visiting this site, you probably don’t know why it exists. “Calming Introversion”? What does it mean? What is the point?

Well, I intend on making this site a website for people looking for insights on life. Really broad idea, but I think a good idea. I like to offer my views on things, my opinions, and my “philosophies”. So here is a little about me, to start off:

My name is Luca DeJesu, and I’m 20 years old. I have been told I’m a quiet person (an introvert) and a calm person- that is how I named my website. If I have anything to offer on here to readers, I think it will come from my main attributes. As for other things about me, there isn’t much as of now. I am currently in college, work as a barista in Starbucks, occasionally work on short films, and spend a lot of time thinking.

The most important part of all of that comes in one word: thinking. Being that I am only 20, there is a lot of the world I haven’t seen- but that doesn’t stop my mind from formulating opinions, ideas, and perspectives on things- which is what I plan on sharing.

So, in essence, come here to read some stuff from a guy who spent a lot of time thinking it out- and hopefully you will walk away with motivation/a new view/or just feeling better about things. I’ll do my best.