I’m Not Smart

Just as I complained how I hadn’t wrote a post in over a week yesterday, here I am another week later. I’ve become a bad blogger, this is by far my worst patch so far. And yes, one post a week is still one more than none, and you may think my posts are nice, but I’m not gonna let this trend continue. You can expect more consistent posts from here on.

Now, to address that self deprecating title I assigned to this entry. I’m not upset at myself for any particular reason, but I’m starting to see the other dimensions of the word ‘smart’ that I haven’t been aware of.

‘Smart’ is a synonym of intelligence. I always think of good grades on tests, responsibility, seriousness and maturity, glasses, well-kept looks etc., when I think of ‘smart’.

But, in life, it’s really so much more than that. It’s reading between the lines, it’s withholding judgement for nothing you can visualize in the moment, it’s manufacturing things that your natural self isn’t inclined to, it’s being aware.

I say that I’m not smart because I make a lot of dumb decisions, like most people. But, a lot of the times, I do those things more than once. Then times. Then a month. And before you know it, I’ve become a victim of just being stupid. You see something you don’t wanna see, or you act a way you don’t intend on. So, you change that- or, at least you’re supposed to. The catchy phrase of insanity sounds like this: “doing something over and over again yet expecting different results”.

It was insanity when I decided to let myself stay up late until 3-4 am every night in freshman year and expect to wake up in the morning. Yes, I know this post is late- but I literally slept all today so this is justifiable. Got my wisdom teeth out and slept for quite some time before and after it. I’m not on pain meds, well at least not opiates, I’m just on ibuprofen. So, don’t discard my words tonight please- I’m sober. Not that I expect you discard them or anything like that.

Recently I’ve realized that to become wise, you need to make the wrong choice once or twice- and learn from it. It’s growth. The people that never see the change? Well, inevitably, they become a kind of dumb. I’m sorry if any of this is offending you, it’s really not supposed to. I watched Louis C.K. tonight and thought to myself “Man, this guy really just tells it like it is. No bullshit.” Albeit he’s a comedian and does much of that for his comedic style, but still. So I’m gonna say it here: it’s not smart to keep trying the same method or keep allowing the same thing to happen and expect things to just magically mend.

I’ve always realized that I’m at my most successful when I’m trying new things. I usually start learning the ways that failed, the paths of repetitive failure. That sort of thing, is kind of like an ‘out-of-body’ experience, hear me out- you know you’ve had a point in your life where you wouldn’t have changed unless your friend intrusively said ‘hey, fucking do something about it’. What I mean, is that you’re dumb if you don’t try something new, like it, and then not analyze that and stop doing the old thing. The old thing is what got you no where- it’s where you left off sad and, yes, no more wiser than you were.

So, why am dumb? Well, first of all, my gra– nah just kidding. In this sense, I’ve done this so many times. I let my emotion make the decision, and then I forget logic, and become this blend of dumb.

I used to think that by throwing effort into something, it’d fix it eventually-even when experience after experience, life would prove me wrong. My point here is, don’t do this. Use your life events as something you can actually learn from, in this way. Use it as this sort of ‘out of body experience’ and objectively look at your actions. I never knew how true the following statement was: “sometimes, you gotta hear it from someone else”. In that way, we all are a bit delusional, or we let ourselves be that way.  There are some helpful people out there, who offer unique advice and perspectives that you just inevitably looks over as a person. Hey, you’re reading my blog right now. Hey, that’s why I made the blog- to provide a new view on it. We all need a new view on some stuff, because we can all just be dumb at times.

With that being said, I’m not upset. I’m just simply writing at 3 am because I had a thought, a thought was worth more than just simply thinking about. A thought worthy of sharing. It’d be a disservice to my self-valued ideas if I just selfishly hoarded them to myself and my mind.

Thanks for reading

Luca DeJesu, 3:08 AM

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