Appreciation

Every once in a while I’ll have a dream that kinda teaches me something. It’s sort of weird that it’s only “every once in a while”. After all, the most accepted theory as to why we dream goes back to animals learning through it. It’s the idea that your brain practices real life scenarios at night so that when you’re awake, you’re more prepared if it were to actually happen. So, in a way, dreams could be a defense mechanism, but how come the majority of the ones I have are either a) hard to make sense of or b) just don’t have a real purpose? I don’t know. It’s just a thought.

Anyways, last night I had two dreams that I could remember, but the one that kinda stuck with me was a super sad one. I have no idea why I dreamt it, but in my dream my Mom died. Yeah, just about as depressing as a dream can get. I usually don’t have really sad dreams like this, but what I do routinely notice in my dreams is the realistic-ness of them. You know how a dream can be so vivid and based in reality that you even tell yourself during the dream that it’s not a dream? Well, sometimes that’s cool, as it can become lucid dreaming, but other times it’s scary. This was one of those; when I woke up I had a huge sigh of relief. That, no, my Mom didn’t actually die of a heart issue on a hiking trip. Yep. Told you it was sad as fuck.

But, it kinda reminded me that I need to start appreciating stuff more often. Gratitude. I think that lately I’ve just overlooked a lot of what’s been going on in my life, and I know that everyone does it from time to time.

I have a great family, I have some really good friends that I honestly don’t deserve, and I’ve a job I enjoy. My pets are all awesome, and I can’t forget all of that.

Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in every day life that you begin to sort of expect certain things. You expect to wake up, expect to make money, expect to do stuff next Tuesday, but really it’s nothing to expect. It’s a tired phrase, but really: nothing is guaranteed. I need to make an earnest attempt to reflect on the stuff I’ve got going for me. At least, more than I’ve done lately.

I’ve been active lately, or at least more so than I was the week before. Practicing guitar, filming for my documentary (finally), doing chores that have been overdue, working my usual hours, and hanging out with people. I’m a bit proud of it all, to tell you the truth. I thrive on being productive- if I’m not, I’m not feeling my best. I like that I have that mindset. Amidst doing stuff, however, the things or people that make ‘doing what you do’ possible go under the radar.

For example, I am a big fan of the Boston Celtics. I have been since I was about 11 years old. And, one of the things I always do is I watch all of their games with my Mom. Yes, my Dad watches them with us, occasionally, but it’s really my Mom and I’s thing. We have been doing that for years upon years- we almost never miss a game. She always makes more comments on the game than I do, because I am more of a quiet observer, and I don’t think I realize just how much I’ll miss those “Come on Thomas make your free throws! I could have made that” blurts that she does on a nightly basis.

I’ll move out, soon, and we will likely text about the games a lot or FaceTime or whatever, but it’s those little things that add up. The texts from my friends asking if I’m free- I don’t really do anything to deserve that effort. I usually forget to text back on time, I’m pretty unreliable in general, yet I still have people that bother to ask. How do I justify getting all of this support, luck, and the similar? Well, I don’t- but it helps to acknowledge it. That at least somewhat makes you more deserving, I believe. Don’t forget to be grateful, like I do. You might do it, too, but as long as you make an effort to try and appreciate stuff every once in a while, you’ll be doing it right.

Now, a little bit of practice:

Thanks for reading

Luca DeJesu, 4:27 PM

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