Oblivious

I think I’m actually an incredibly oblivious person, and I’ve just been oblivious to that fact for most of my life.

Oblivious about being oblivious. Oblivio-ception. The standard definition of oblivious, unedited by me, is “not aware or not concerned about what is happening around one”. That is a good, to-the-point, explanation of what it is, and it’s exactly what I’m talking about. I think I’m an oblivious person, in many ways.

I guess when you think about it, the term ‘oblivious’ is more correlated with numbness, or dumb-ness, than it is associated with intelligence. I might just be stupid and be replacing that word with another, in order to sugarcoat it. Or, maybe I’m just not as aware as those around me. I think it’s the latter, as I don’t believe I’m just an idiot. So, let’s go with the whole “unaware” thing. I’m constantly unaware of stuff that’s happening around me.

I’ve started to realize that I misread people a lot. And, I think some of the stuff I say and do cause others to misinterpret myself. But, I don’t usually recognize this in the moment, rather it’s after the fact, sometimes days or weeks later. I chalk this up to me just not noticing something when it’s happening. Some of these instances, I find myself proud that I was unconscious to what was really going on, because it can show where I put value.

I think I’m being way too confusing right now, so I’m gonna infuse an example into this post to help make it a bit clearer. Take drama for example. More specific, friend-conflict drama. At school, at a party, etc. You know, when someone is throwing off the vibe because they’re secretly judging someone, or when a rumor gets around that someone talked shit about your friend, and then there is this birth of drama. The whole group of friends is attuned to it, the vibe in the air is subsequently thrown off kilter, and bam- there’s conflict. A dramatic situation has begun, everyone’s got something to say, the party is now a angry-toned congregation of individuals, and not so much a party anymore. That stuff, I’m usually on the outside of. And, that’s a situation where, if I found myself being oblivious, I’d have a boost of morale. I like that I’m out of the drama-loop. It shows I subconsciously just don’t give a shit. It shows I don’t put enough value into that to be paying attention to it, or to be stressed out about it.

But, there are plenty of times where I wish I had just caught on. I always notice how it’s never me that finds out a girl is checking me out, it’s always a friend, or a coworker, or even a family member. I wish I was better at reading signs like that, but alas, I’m not. It’s up to those around me to point out that kind of stuff, because I sure can’t. I just assume when anyone is being nice to me, smiling at me, or manufacturing a conversation with me, I assume it’s just them being kind. It’s what comes natural to me. I also think I’m often just in my head a bit too much, and thus I forget to be in reality a bit too often. I’ve been told by a friend of mine that I’m just “always out in left field”. It sort of rubbed me the wrong way at first; “Are you saying I’m the least important baseball position?”. No, I’m kidding, but it did throw me off a bit. Am I really that stranded in my thoughts? It’s kind of a weird and off-putting thing, to be numb to what is going on. It is almost that I’m zoned out in my own world, to my own detriment. I feel like I’ll never get ahead if I’m not at least paying attention, and too often, I’m not.

‘Taking a hint’, however, is something that I actually do. Well, I don’t know if I do it accurately, but I’m able to detect it. It’s because I’m kind of sensitive in that situation. I think I’m a person who reads too much into things, in any circumstance, but the benefit to this is that I’m hyper-aware in certain situations. I pay close attention to people when they talk to me. I read body language like it’s a Dan Brown novel. However, I’m not as successful about reading it correctly as I’d like to be. If anything, in a situation where I’m trying to figure out how someone feels about me, I hate being oblivious. You can’t have it all- you can’t be oblivious to ugly events, yet a hawk when it comes to perceiving a person’s flirty signals. It’s something that has to be balanced, by effort. The problem is, to make effort in the first place, you have to be aware of the dilemma. And, if you’re being oblivious, you’re more likely unaware, in general.

Alright, hope you enjoyed that.

Thanks for reading

Luca DeJesu, 6:19 PM

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