Being on the outside is something I specialize in.

I don’t mean for that to sound depressing. It’s not supposed to be a sad statement, it’s just something I notice about myself. Everyone has been on the outside in some sort of way at one point in there life, at least.

What I mean by this is simply just being out of the loop, on the outside looking in. It isn’t specific to one situation, it’s occurred in multiple for me. Examples are being distant from drama, not understanding what’s going on, being the only one in a group that isn’t talking about their relationship. These are some of the ways I’ve found myself being on the outside. There are so many other ways it can happen, though. It’s a broad term.

Certain benefits go along with it, it’s important to note. I’ve never had an issue being outcasted from drama/conflict. When I find out about some sort of inner dispute between some of my friends after it happened, I can honestly say that I’m relieved. I have no regrets that I wasn’t cued into the argument or whatever issue it was. Drama sucks, so being outside of it is naturally beneficial, in my eyes.

But, being out in left field so to say also comes with a lot of…well, sucky parts. Sucky. Bad. One of them is becoming so distant from people or friend circles or cliques, even, is that your identity gets lost. Part of who you are is determined by who you hang out with, and when you don’t actually hang out with those people anymore (becoming an outsider looking in), you actually lose a part of your identity. At least it feels that way to me.

There’s also a lot of discord that comes with being so far out. It’s not like I personally have made a choice to be ‘miles away from the crowd’, it just kinda, happened. I don’t know why, it could be work taking up time, it could be video games, it could be sleeping in, it could be anything. Regardless, weeks have passed and I’m getting tired of it.

On a more specific note, one of the worst places to be on the outside is when it comes to being single. Really. What I mean is when you’re talking with your friend, and they’re going on about how much they enjoyed their date, or when you see a couple post a pic on instagram and you’re just like meh- don’t really care. It’s rude, so when I think that, I usually give a sympathy like where I like the picture to show my support and also to remind myself not to be a cynical asshole. But, another point to this, is that when you’re single looking in, you’re viewed as the “thirsty/desperate” one. The person dating someone is a bit insufferable- they’ve got a thing going, they don’t need to worry about questions of commitment. It’s also funny to me that when you’re talking to someone, dating someone, it’s THEN that all of those girls you texted start responding. I don’t think it’s a coincidence. It’s psychological. Girl/guy sees that you’re getting somewhere with someone, subconsciously thinks you’re more suitable or attractive. But, what the hell? I was the same person before I went on that date, why didn’t you text me last week? You either get ’em all, or get none, and it mostly centers around being on the outside. In a relationship/dating sense, you’re the buyer, you have to ‘make the bid’, whereas when you’ve got something, you can just sit back and post as many pictures of it on social media. Outsider.

It sounds edgy to say “I’m an outsider. Heh. Yeaaah. Look at me. I’m hipster.” But, it’s not really a good thing. It can be, sure, but in moderation. It’s a bit of a loner thing. It feeds into that. And, stepping into the circle every once in a while is needed.

Thanks for reading

Luca DeJesu, 3:09 PM

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