Hello, I’m finally deciding to write a post again. It’s been some time, nearly a week, since I last posted something. My goal is still to write daily, or at least 3-4 times a week, so I’ve been slacking a bit.
Ever notice how much your mind can just work against you? I don’t wanna assume this is the case for you, but for me, it can. My own mind seems to be the root of many of my problems I’ve been noticing. It almost creates problems where there are none; the matter (events that have actually taken place in life) may not even be that bad, but the mind can alter that.
I had Sunday off from work for the first time in a while. I practically always work the weekends, because I have class in the middle of the week and prefer to have work off on those days. So, naturally, I was happy to see that I had a free day- a day without work or school, and I could really put it to use. Maybe film for my documentary finally, I’ve put that off for quite some time. Maybe submit some other college applications. Regardless of what it was that I’d do on Sunday, it’s clear that my mind is wanting me to get stuff done. Work and school are known quantities, but I find that what you do in free time can define you. I take on projects to keep busy, I am happiest when I’m productive. I don’t know why it is, but ‘getting stuff done’ makes me feel satisfied and fill this appetite for production.
So much that a day of literally doing nothing actually annoys me. I have a love/hate relationship with that statement. On one hand, I’m more productive with that mindset. Always striving to do stuff in order to feel fulfilled will naturally lead to getting stuff done. On the other hand, though, is the lack of relaxation it can bring. The feeling of unease, like I’m a sitting duck or something. If I spend a day off like the classic “day off” of just doing whatever, playing games, napping, etc- my mind starts getting uneasy. I feel uncomfortable, yet, literally nothing has actually happened to make me feel that way. It’s a classic, everyday case of mind overpowering matter.
You’ve probably heard that one before- mind over matter. It’s the name of a great song by Young the Giant, but it’s also a saying that inspires autonomy. Autonomy, for those unfamiliar, is just the idea of independence, control over what’s happening to you. Some people strongly disagree with this idea, mainly people who subscribe to Eastern philosophy- you can’t control what happens to you, you’re inevitably small. The opposite of that Asian/stoic/Eastern thinking is the idea of autonomy, and it gives more credit to the mind. Where do I stand on this “philosophy spectrum”? Well, I guess I’m a bit in the middle- I don’t feel I’m all-powerful or anything, but I know better than to write off the power of thought.
You really can’t control the events in your life, hate to break it to you. But, that is obvious, I believe. What you can control, however, is how you feel about those things. Saying that- that your mind/thinking can control how you feel about something,anything- is acknowledging the strength of your mind. Consequently, then, your mind can control you- it works both ways. It’s a bit of a tug-of-war in your head- your thoughts vying for the power seat, and your subconscious reacting.
So, it’s not hard to see that in the battle of “mind vs matter”, it’s pretty evenly matched. Thoughts evidently have the last word. Your perception of a situation matters the most, it does.
Example. Ever notice how much easier it is to forget about something the less you actually see it? Well, simply put, the less you’re exposed to something, the less your think about it. And, the less you even think about it, the less power it has over your mind. I notice my thoughts can really balloon out and take a million different pathways until I’ve got this problem on my hands that wasn’t apparent 10 minutes ago. If you allow something to rent space in your head, anything, it will make a comfy living until you slowly deprive it off it’s fuel source; your thoughts.
For me, this feeling of dissatisfaction with myself is what’s been getting ht best of me. I can have a relatively good, calm day, and yet go to bed with a sense of angst. Why? Because I didn’t get enough done, according to the standards my brain decided to set that day. Looking back on it though, what did I actually let myself down with? Didn’t work on a project that I created. And then, when I realize I literally fostered every way I felt that day; I created the video project which I inevitably didn’t work on, which eventuality left to me feeling disappointed in myself for that day off. Some days it’s okay to relax and do nothing, if there’s really nothing needed to be done. I’ve gotta get back to being okay with that, and the way I do it is not to just do things, it’s really to think things.
Thanks for reading
Luca DeJesu, 5:21 PM