Talking with friends in general is a healthy habit. Friendships are meant to be mutualistic, with them existing for the purpose of overall betterment and fulfillment. I believe that to be the over-generalized, simplified definition of their existence. They can be a helping hand, you can be a helping hand to them, and overall, having friendships is essential.
I have a lot of people that I’m acquainted with in one way or another, whether it be someone I see often at school, people my siblings know, or people I used to be close with and now just see sparingly. Those aren’t really friendships, rather they’re just “people I know”. So, when talking in terms of actual number of friendships I have, I’d say I’ve really only maintained a handful for the past year/ year and a half. It’s because it’s what I want, and also what I’ve partially allowed happen. I tend to distance from other people because I am lazy with effort at times. A good relationship needs attention, at least every once in a while.
Of course, there are certain friends that I’d consider closer to me than others, of course. The best friends. I’ve got about 4 guy friends that I consider my top, Kevin, Nick, Blake, and David.
I think those are the 4 I not only hang out with/communicate most regularly with, but they’re the kind of people I feel I match up best with. I always enjoy chilling with them, and that produces the sort of friendships they have with me.
Going further, every once in a while I experience a bit of catharsis when talking with them. Catharsis is defined by the mighty Google search as “the process of relieving strong or repressed emotions”, but that’s a bit too dramatic for what I mean in this context. I have cathartic conversations with them by just relating with them, sharing ideas, thoughts, and thus helping understand things more wholly.
See, there are many problems with being an introvert, a hermit, whatever you may call it, but one of the most debilitating aspects of being ‘less social than the norm’ is that you fail to relate with people as often. Clearly, a human being needs socialization just like a vitamin. Humans are social beings, we are meant for it. Now, how frequent you do it depends on how frequent you’re comfortable with. But, it’s important to remember to do it.
I noticed this earlier this week when I finally hung out with my friend David again. It’d been nearly a month since I’d seen him, and considering he’s about a mile away from my house, it really shouldn’t have been that long. I’ve just been even less outgoing since this year started than I normally am, I’m realizing. Alone time is ever-important, don’t get me wrong,I fully believe that. And, I think I understand that, too. I give myself that. The flip side, actively socializing somewhat regularly, is the element I tend to forget. There is something lost when I go a while without seeing my friends.
Having a deep conversation with one of your closest friends, can’t really be substituted for anything you could do alone, that’s what I’m realizing. Watching a YouTube video with someone giving advice isn’t always as powerful as hearing it from a friend, texting someone advice will never match the weight of telling them it face to face, and overall, it’s just a good idea to connect. You really can’t just think through everything, and even though I’m telling you this, I still actively try to do it. I get a lot of stuff accomplished by self-reflection, I’m usually my happiest in the calm of being alone, but at the same time, that’s really only half of the puzzle.
I have a friend by the name of Jarrod, who I rarely see anymore due to college, who used to always have the deepest of deep “guy talks” with me. We could get so personal and relatable that I’m sure many of the people reading this are thinking huh, gaaay. Jokes aside though, this is what set Jarrod apart from all of my other guy-friends. He didn’t care about being raw and just speaking what was truly on his mind with me, whereas a lot of people feel that side of them should never see the light of day. But, he could get as deep as you could go, and in return, it produced some very memorable 2 am conversations that I really don’t think could be substituted by anything. For me, friends can be a way of getting some stuff of my chest. Family is always there, of course. But having the ability to choose friends, to diversify the viewpoints you can hear, is a benefit that can’t be bested.
David and I are sorta the same way. We can relate on a bunch of stuff, we can share stuff that some random blogger on the internet wouldn’t understand. Because, it’s personal. A friend, or friend group I should say, is generally reflective of yourself. You picked them. It sounds selfish, but people seek out friends to help themselves, mainly. Yes, a friendship is two-way, but at the root of it all, you pick those who you want to surround yourself with.
Catharsis. Relating with people. Sharing part of you and getting a bit of someone else in return, solely for the purpose of just connecting. Extroverts, you have my respect, you fuel this idea when the hermits of the world, like me, forget to.
Thanks for reading
Luca DeJesu, 2:52 PM