Drugs

Drugs.

What do you consider a drug? Easy, it’s a substance that you use to either medicate something or recreationally have fun. Get high.

Alcohol and marijuana are the most commonly used drugs that I’ve seen. You probably agree, and it’s probably good that these two are the oft-used ones. Well, maybe not alcohol, but weed is really not a bad drug from what I understand. I don’t even know if it’s really a drug, anyway. It’s a plant. Many people talk my ear off about how it’s actually a healthy thing to smoke and it shouldn’t be illegal in any circumstance. It can help anxiety, depression, anger, and I guess the CBD oil from it has had cancer remitting benefits in some instances. I don’t know. I don’t smoke it, but I don’t think it’s dangerous much at all.

My ‘drug of choice’ for most of my life is caffeine. The tamest of them all, but also probably the most common. It’s in coffee, tea, energy drinks, soda, etc. A stimulant that I like to consume as it makes me more chipper. I’m wired, I always have studied better with a coffee than without one (subjectively speaking), and, well, in moderation it’s not all that bad for you. Sure, it can be- it raises heart rate after all- but as long as I’ve used it, I’ve learned to not over-do it.

There are far more health-damaging drugs out there. Ecstasy, cocaine, prescription drugs, xanax, opiate drugs, meth. However, the names alone aren’t what garner this negative perception that many have with the word drug. Abuse is.

Drug abuse is a real problem for some people, I’m sure you know. It’s why I’m making (well, trying to) a short documentary on it. I know people who use pills recreationally. I know people who drink too much, smoke too much, use a product to escape reality in a sense. And, in that way, I don’t hate drug addicts. I understand some of them are in the position they’re in because they can’t manage to be happy or their life is in the gutter and they don’t wanna face it. But, let’s be honest, not all of them are in such a situation. Some people just like the fun of it.

This may be why I have an aversion to being on any kind of drug. I do have an aversion to prescriptions, despite the fact that I have accepted them and taken them. For me, I don’t like feeling like I’m cheating life, I don’t like feeling like I’m not really myself. And for me, I constantly question myself before taking my vyvanse prescription daily. And, when I was first handed a bottle of lexapro from my doctor, a prescription  of a minuscule 10 mg per day, I really wanted to refuse it. Up to that point in my life, I’d never taken any kind of ‘prescription drug’ (psychoactive drug, I’ve been on antibiotics, etc) and I was unaware of them. I thought lexapro would mess me up, and I know it’s a very tame dose now, but the point still stands; I don’t wanna take it unless I feel I need it. 

I was wondering last week if I really need my vyvanse. My doctor instructs me to take it every day without cease- no weekend break, because he believes I have some nasty ADD. I, of course, accept taking it because it helps me stay awake and active. Before having a stimulant to take, I was sleeping most of my day away, and when I was awake I wasn’t really there. My grades dipped drastically, I couldn’t sit down some days and read notes because I constantly was zoning out, my body was trying to force me to go home and nap. When I did give in and nap, I’d usually wake up refreshed for an hour or so, and then the same cycle repeated. Get sleepy again. No amount of sleep seemed to alleviate it, and that’s when I knew this isn’t normal. So I take the stimulant, it allows me to stay awake and do what I want.

But lately I’ve questioned if I still have that problem. I hadn’t been sober in a few months, as in hadn’t been off vyvanse for a while, and I wondered if I didn’t take it, if I’d be okay. I hoped that’d be the case, because taking such a drug daily is just bad for other aspects of my health. Heart racing, anxiety, appetite loses, weight loss.

So I went without it for a day, and I felt sleepy. But, with some espresso, I made it through the day alright. Started to think maybe I can go off this stuff for good. So, the next day, I planned the same thing- allowed myself 8 hours of sleep, woke up and- bam. I felt completely zombified. I couldn’t go into work this sleepy. I was so tired, so I took it. Doing this, though, helped ease my conscious. My conscious was telling me that I was taking something I didn’t need, so I showed myself that I do in fact need it. I reminded myself of why I’m accepting the pills.

It’s just a struggle because I don’t like relying on stuff, especially not drugs. Drugs are helpful, they are useful, but I know too many people online and in my life that just aren’t truly themselves because they are masking life with a substance. That’s the last thing I personally want happening to me. I have this sense of wanting to earn my stuff, and I also don’t wanna fall down the hole of reliance.

That’s kinda my stance on drugs. How I avoid dependence or usage, I guess. Some people allow these to overtake their life, don’t let that be you-that’s how I see it basically. Nearly everyone enjoys a high- whether it be drunkenness to have social confidence, stimulant focus to ace a math test, weed to relax and unwind, or whatever. It’s a universally accepted idea that those are enjoyable. So why do some people cave and let those substances dominate their lives, and become ‘addicted’, yet others refuse them? It’s not that people refuse them because they just don’t like them, I feel it’s because they knew better. For me, I could easily see it being fun to be euphoric every night from a pain pill (I had oxycodone once for my tonsil surgery). I ask myself how I can convince myself to avoid these things, even after knowing their potential. Well, it’s simple as this, don’t cheat yourself. Don’t discredit yourself into thinking you need some kind of crutch to be yourself.  After all, if a drug makes you you, well, then, if your pill bottle was taken away, you’d be nothing.

There it is. My perspective on drugs.

Thanks for reading

Luca DeJesu, 2:53 PM

 

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