Now here’s an interesting topic that I’ve yet to really delve into. Attraction. So many things that I could say about this lone word, so I won’t waste any time and instead just jump right into it.
It’s another one of those terms that really is a shape-shifter. The way you comprehend and interpret it will sound different than they way your friend does. There are some universal constants, however, and knowing this, I kinda wanna organize it into a formula. Or maybe, how I believe it works. Because, why not, it’ll be fun.
I think it’s best to view attraction as a series of levels. Or, layers, maybe. It all starts with appearance, something you can only marginally control.So,
Appearance The most surface level aspect of attraction. In a metaphor, it is the ‘icing on the cake’, except, it isn’t really the final part of it. It’s actually the first part, the initial element. When you see a nice looking cake, you get your stomach rumbling. It’s a reaction, it’s natural, and it’s basic. There are certain components to this for me. My preference for appearance, or idealistic look, is probably best summed up by the word “cute”. I like cute more so than hot, sexy, etc. And I’ve said this before. Good examples of this appearance: Allison Brie, Emily Blunt, Anna Kendrick, Milana Vayntrub, and, of course Rooney Mara. Not to say I don’t look for curves in a girl, but those are not really as important to me as the cute factor. They are nice, however.
Outward Personality The next layer of this attraction burrito/taco/cake whatever is the way the person portrays themselves in public. I deem it the outward personality, the kind of traits that you notice on a first impression. They’re not as deep as the more intriguing aspects of a person, and you usually don’t need to have an in-depth conversation with the person to comprehend this part. For example: the person is talkative or quiet, loud or soft-spoken, egotistical sounding or modest, kind or rude, etc. You can usually pick this up by either hearing the person talk to you or act around you. I don’t put much importance in this part of the “attraction process”, because I feel it takes more than surface level talk to really know if you like a person’s character. But, on the other hand, a person can really rule themselves out depending on how they are outwardly. Example; first date the girl makes fun of literally everyone she brings up, she’s rude to the waiter, she’s rude to me. That kind of stuff can really shape a view, but even then, second chances are vital to me.
Inner Personality The inside of the shell. This is what hanging out with the person is for. I always find myself making effort to be forward with girls more than guys, and that’s simply because I’m using hangouts with (most) girls to ‘evaluate them’. Man that sounded douchey. Well, not all girls, but a lot of the times, if you’re a girl reading this and you notice that I make constant effort to do things with you, then, well, you’ve caught my interest. And, I wanna chill with you so I can understand your inner self. The best way to describe this is when you have a personal conversation about stuff with the person, and you feel whether or not you relate. It’s verges on the border of chemistry, but in reality it’s just getting a better feel for the person. If any kind of attraction is real, to me it has to know itself. You have to know the person better than the everyday passerby, you have to have a leg up on the rest, and the way you do this is by spending time with them. Attraction is nearly sealed if you enjoy the time with them, in my eyes.
Chemistry This is the last component that I can identify, and frankly, it’s the most confusing. I know what you may be thinking, if you enjoy their inner self, then doesn’t that equate to having chemistry? Well, not exactly. Keep in mind that I have very limited experience with chemistry. In my life I’ve rarely got to this point, because either the person and I stopped after a hangout or two, or the other person found another person, or whatever. Chemistry is when you know that you could spend time with this person whenever and enjoy it whenever. You know that you at least are feeling some sort of chemistry if you’re enjoying talking to them for a few hours, with no thought of “wow, it’s getting late” or “I’m bored”. And, recognizing chemistry actually makes the person better looking. Now, obviously it doesn’t change their appearance physiologically, but I know in high school I’d see a girl at school and think “she’s okay”, but later on I become a good friend of theirs and see them, and think “she is really really really good looking”. It’s because truly liking someone, getting along with them, and feeling that ‘spark’ of chemistry is strong. That’s my best way to define it, again, limited experience. Not looking for sympathy, just trying to be honest.
Obviously, I don’t mentally check off all of these items when I look at a girl. That would be tiring as fuck and I’d be lying if I tried to act like I haven’t texted a girl just because she was hot. But, I never get anywhere without completing that process, and I sure know that in order for me to commit and date someone, I’d have to go through all of that. That may be why I call myself picky or why I’m consistently single. I sort of view attraction and stuff like it to be complex, because to me they are, and I’m not satisfied if they’re not. It’s built into me, for whatever reason.
There are certain turn ons & turn offs for me, which are a lot less complicated. I’ll talk about those later. Attraction is more than just a person’s physical appearance to me. Of course, it starts there, but from then on out, it’s really something that can change. That’s why it’s special.
Thanks for reading
Luca DeJesu, 4:59 PM