Most times that I’m asked questions about myself, I usually refer to myself as weird.
In the sense of ice-breaking conversation, it’s almost automatic for me to say this. I don’t even really think much before saying “I’m a pretty weird person”. Like most of these small- talk-one-liners, they usually are just templates that I subconsciously voice. They’re just generalized sayings that I formulate based on my perception of myself.
Everyone has a different view on themselves, others, and the world around them. As I talked about in my “Normal” post a while ago, the perceptions a person have can be what makes a person unique. As goes without saying, what you say is “weird” is, in some ways, different than what I call weird. Some things can be more or less regarded as ‘universally weird’, but even then, there will be someone who considers that thing the norm.
Anyways, I wanna start off by saying that claiming “I’m weird” is not the same as claiming “I’m different.” The latter sounds way more pretentious to me, it’s way more commonly proclaimed, and in general, I personally don’t use that phrase. I don’t go around outright saying “I’m just different!”, because, well, it goes without saying. Everyone-literally, every single human being, is different. I don’t mean to get preachy and cliche here, but seriously. So, I am different- but, saying that is repetitive and sounds douchey. Even though it isn’t, to me it seems that way.
A lot of people don’t wanna admit to being weird. It’s one of the things I usually say on a first date, however. Cringe all you want. But, it’s a prerequisite to knowing me, I believe. Now, I know many people who know me will read this and be annoyed. A lot of people think I’m the most normal person they’ve met. They think about how I don’t do drugs, I follow the rules, I don’t try and speak out against stuff, etc. A lot of those things are what make people say “Hey, this person stands out” or “This person does something that not everyone I know does, that’s weird”.
I guess, in that sense, I’m pretty normal. I generally keep the peace, I’m calm. I don’t shift the tides much. I don’t stir controversy, I’m apathetic to a lot of things, I’m reserved. But, how many people do you know like that? Maybe you know a lot, and I just got all the more typical to you. But, in my experience, I don’t know a lot of people who behave like me.
In some ways, people do. I know responsible people who want to be good people, I know plenty.
So,what do I do that makes me think that I’m weird?
It’ll be fun just to list some of this stuff out. Some of this may not come off as strange to you, so just bare with me. Regardless, these are some things that I notice I do that seem less and less common with my peers. I mean it, like these are certain things that make me the ‘odd one out’ in a social setting. A setting of 19-24 year olds, etc.
One thing is that I don’t smoke, yet I don’t have anything against it. Most people my age smoke weed. Plainly put. And, the ones that don’t, usually have something against it. At least with the people I’ve met. But, for me, I totally am cool with my friends who smoke. I don’t have any good reason for saying no, other than I’m just not interested. I find it weird because I don’t really have friends (save a few) that feel the same way. Either they are compelled to get high or they think weed= the devil’s lettuce. It seems there is no in between, yet I’m in between. I don’t even really understand why, so I call it weird.
Another thing is that amusement parks bore me. A specific example, but still atypical. My brother keeps asking me to set up a Six-Flags plan for the summer with him. Now, there are a few rides at Six-Flags that I love, like a few of the steel roller coasters, but there’s a lot that makes me apprehensive to go pay money and spend a day at an amusement park. The hot weather, the mass amount of people, the long lines, the overpriced chicken, idk. I don’t get excited for those things, and having to convey this since I was young has been a hassle. Because, who doesn’t love going to Hawaiian Falls? Well, boring ol’ me.
I’m a bit of a robot when it comes to intimacy. I have these “asexual” streaks I go on. I’m pretty sure my family thinks I’m gay or something. I’m not even joking, but laugh if you want. I literally never mention girls to my parents, I don’t tell my sister about them, and I don’t think my brother is aware I’ve ever texted a girl. Both of my siblings have vocally expressed their interest in certain people at one point or another. As most kids do- they tell their family about at least some of that stuff. It makes me uncomfortable to share that info, it always has. I feel like crushes, girl, attraction- I feel those are things that are best thought about, not talked about. And, I’m not asexual or gay, I promise haha.A women’s body is the same to me as it is to my fellow straight guy friends. But, I have a way of just avoiding those things. I think I hide it, but some days I’d honestly rather just talk about life n’ stuff, even with the hottest of girls. I’m not oblivious to your dress, I promise. And, to my family, I just don’t care to talk about that stuff. I’d rather talk about the Celtics.
I take myself a bit too seriously at times, I think. I’m not writing all of these because it’s worrying me, or because it’s something I feel needs attention even. I just wanna make content. I wanna try and write every day, and there’s a load of stuff on my mind from day to day. One post a day isn’t too hard. I think at times, though, I come off as worried with these posts. And, I’m not, I don’t think calling myself weird is a bad thing. It doesn’t lower my self esteem.
So, after reading that, you may still be unconvinced that I’m a bit of a strange person. Fair enough, weird is an enigma of a word. It doesn’t have a definitive meaning. But, when I notice the things I do, the things I’m into, I find a lot of it is, well, uncommon. It’s not a good or bad thing, it’s just an observation. I pay attention to what I do and what my friends do. And, in many cases, I find it doesn’t match. But, sometimes it does.
Thanks for reading
Luca DeJesu, 5:05 PM