Apathetically Speaking

Today is February 14th, 2017, and it’s a cloudy and rainy Tuesday. More significantly, it’s Valentines day! Happy valentines day everyone. This holiday is a positive day, don’t care what kind of complaints you can conjure up about it. It’s a holiday that is intended to show appreciation to a significant other. It’s never a bad thing, is what I’m trying to say.

I guess some people, who refer to it as “single awareness day”, would argue that. They hate the day because it simply reminds them of their loneliness. Fair enough, I could see how some people dread the day. But, why worry about not having a date on one single day? What about the other 364 days? Those are just as important, when it comes to caring whether or not you’re dating someone. V-day is essentially a day to show appreciation for someone who’s already been there in your life. I don’t believe in finding a valentine’s date, because that kinda defeats the purpose of the holiday. Finding a date can happen any day, so I’m not sweating it on one lone day. The day exists for those who have been established, it’s a gift to them.

I guess I don’t really care either way. Like, I’m not offended about valentines day, but I also am not fond of it. I’m just apathetic towards it. A few years ago you’d hear me complaining about how I’m single this, or I’m lonely that. I’m realizing that it’s something you shouldn’t force whatsoever. People that don’t date many people, aren’t supposed to. It’s that law of the universe, the opportunity will present itself.

My Dad always razzes me about not dating a girl. He’s joking, it’s funny. He always reflects on his college days, how many post it notes of phone numbers he collected (before my Mom, of course) and how I should be more forward with women. Although, he does maintain one thing, and that’s that he never really dated in high school. College was a different story, he says, but he relates to my independence when it comes to his high school stories. He always says stuff like “I didn’t really care, I was always doing my own thing with my friends”. Now, this, is the legitimate reason for my single-ness. I’m just doing my own thing.

Really, though. I’m not saying that I just have never desired a relationship to this point, rather I’m saying I’m part of the problem. I’ve liked a number of girls before, invested time in them, and tried to make things happen with them. But, the only time I actually dated a girl, I ran into a lot of problems. The timing was horrible, it was forced, and I winded up just longing for my alone time. If you’re in a relationship, you do sacrifice some personal time, you have to. You have to spend time with the person, you want to spend time with them. You have to want to spend time with them. If you don’t, then don’t date them.

I’ve only met a handful of girls who I liked that were also realistically compatible with me. When I look back on previous crushes, the ones that I idealized, I realize how naive I was. The saying “blinded by love” doesn’t really fit here, because I’ve never loved a crush, that word is far too serious for that level of interest, in my opinion. But, you know when you’re into someone, that you overlook stuff? Like, important stuff, too. Fundamental stuff. Well, good thing that some of those crushes didn’t work out, because man, maintaining a relationship with someone I was attracted to but wasn’t compatible with would’ve proved to be exhausting.

That’s why I abide by the saying “if it should happen, it will”. If someone works, and some chemistry is made, you will notice it, and go from there. Forcing things doesn’t work. I’ll use an example here, a real life personal example. I’m not gonna disclose names for obvious reasons of identity protection, blah blah blah.

A few years back there was a girl I was really attracted to. I used to invest so much time trying to text her, trying to to make hangouts happen, basically what’s known as chasing, in other words. This whole time, though, I was ignoring obvious characteristics. This girl would always want be outgoing, to socialize with a group, and to do things that reflected her extroverted personality. I never even took note of this. I subconsciously recognized it, and recognized my own lack of interest in going out and doing what she wanted, yet never thought hey, maybe this won’t work. Maybe this girl does things I don’t like doing too often. Maybe we aren’t a good match. Being an introvert myself, I surround myself with people that can accommodate that in some way. Whether it be my guy friends, or a girl I’m into. You have to make sure you can hangout with the person, that you get along, and share interests with that person. Compatibility. If I ended up dating the aforementioned girl, I’d be constantly exhausted and likely disappointing her 24/7 when I’d tell her I prefer a one-on-one coffee date to a night out bowling with friends. It wouldn’t have lasted long, and that’s a case where personality and compatibility outweighed attraction.

Even throughout reflecting all of this, and explaining it, I’ll likely make a mistake like this again. But, being more informed now, I’m only more prepared for the next time around. Don’t be like me from a few years ago and try and just get with the hottest girl you can, be attuned to who you match up with. Personality over attraction, to a degree. Pick someone you’re attracted to, of course, but the second step is making sure you can work with that person. Attraction is the bait, but personality is the fishing line that reels in the catch.

Anyways, I’m gonna get back to writing some script for my documentary. Have a great heart day, and don’t sweat what you can’t control. You shouldn’t be able to control everything, and finding someone is one of those things. In due time, it’ll happen.

Thanks for reading

Luca DeJesu, 5:06 PM

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