For today’s post, I’m gonna talk about some negative stuff. Negative stuff about me, in particular. Not negative stuff about you or people in general or the presidential inauguration that occurred today. Rather, I’m gonna do what people always tell you not to do: focus on my flaws. At least for this single post. After I write this,however, I’m not gonna continue to ruminate on my weaknesses, as that is unhealthy.You already knew that.
So, why? Well, just recently I met up with one of my old friends at Starbucks. I just had happened to run into them, and we ended up having around an hour long convo about where we were in life now. It’d been a few years. Anyway, whenever I said something pessimistic like “Oh I’m just getting an associates degree, it’s fairly easy and not much”- he’d respond with his view of me. And it was always super nice and good stuff, he was essentially praising my way of work. He kept saying “Everyone knew you as the smart kid, the one who was gonna get somewhere”. Now, that’s awesome to hear, but it isn’t exactly true.
The problem with not always keeping up with people is that they don’t always get a sense of who you are. I feel 90 percent of my friends/family/acquaintances see me as the following: focused, intelligent, determined, privileged, the goody-two shoes kind of person. While I won’t dispute all of these characteristics, it just highlights how many misconceptions about me (and this goes for everyone) exist. I am a bit of a “good kid”- I don’t do drugs, I rarely even drink/smoke, I try and treat people nice. Standard stuff. The issue I have here, is that this perception limits the people that will listen to me. If I’m trying to befriend/ help a person, yet they feel I’m this “do-no-wrong” person, they may not take my advice-they feel they can’t relate.
Does that make sense, at all? Basically, what I’m saying, is that people have to relate in to others in order to form connections.
- Example: You won’t hangout with all of the A-students as “motivation” if you’ve constantly been a C-student, you’ll get discouraged- “They are obviously different from me, they can’t help me”.
Essentially, I want my readers here to know this: as with everyone, I’m not perfect. Stupid thing to say as no one even believes I’m perfect in the first place, but I feel a lot of people shut their ears to me or don’t pursue contact because they feel they can’t relate.
Truth is, I have many flaws. I’m nowhere near as determined, focused, intelligent a person that my friend thought I was. I did have all A’s- until 10th grade. That isn’t even that impressive. “Oh, he probably didn’t try” Is what my friend told me. It’s what he thought. I have always tried- albeit harder in some classes- but as far as grades go, I have had to earnestly work hard and try to get them. Does this make me dumb? No. Does this make me intelligent? No. It just makes me dedicated. And no, I haven’t even always been dedicated; it took conscious effort and thought processes for me to get myself out of a failing hole in 10th grade algebra. So, as far as grades go, I kinda suck at school. The only reason I have had success is because I cared, I gave a shit about my school work. And that took learning and practice, it wasn’t always there. If I can do it, you can, anyone can.
Another flaw. My neighbor, one of my best friends, who I grew up with and was around for ~10 years, used to always call me something. He always referred to me as a “ladies man”-you know you’ve heard that term. I assume it was his way of looking decent, and in that way a compliment. But what? A ladies man? I have had a grand total of 1 girlfriend. One in twenty years. And, whenever I discuss that topic, relationships, with my friends, they always seem to shrug my perspective off. “Oh you’ll be fine, you’re a good looking guy”. Here is my flaw in this category: I suck at flirting and generally am just mediocre with girls. Result? No serious relationship I can point to. It isn’t about looks; it’s about personality- with guys, that is. A guy who is funny, outgoing, and generally caring will go a lot further than a social awkward dude with good facial structure. I know when I find a girl, it will largely be based on effort on my part, and that’s the same with you. It’s the same with everyone.
I am boring. Yep, I can be interesting, I can be funny, and I have the ability to be creative. However, if I don’t try, I’m none of these. I’m just lame, boring. Yes, it’s true- so people who think I’m just this super cool, creative, enigma of a person, it’s not true- and when it is, it’s because I’m trying. Try hard. Now, creativity is one thing I’ve always had at my disposal, and I can’t remember ever developing this trait; I think it’s a lucky thing I was born with.
Now, after reading all of that, realize you’re still reading my blog. How can a boring, mediocrely intelligent man with no super interesting relationship stories have kept you captivated and reading this post? Well, it’s because anyone can- you just have to tell yourself you can. It’s a cheesy, over-used message, yet it’s very true. If you refuse to listen to me because of my ways, just remember I, too, am a young person who constantly makes mistakes; who has drunk texted people he shouldn’t have, who has gotten mad at people for terrible reasons, who has lost friends by my own fault, etc. I’ve failed a lot, if you look at me today, where I’m at, and what I focus on, just know it’s a product of working on myself. Not everyone makes a conscious effort to better themselves, that’s what separates most of the success in people. Why is one guy a CEO and the other is at Discount Tire Co. with no college degree, yet they came from the same neighborhood? Effort.
I realize some things hold people back. When I struggled with stuff like depression, I had a low drive to do things. So, first things foremost, make sure you’re healthy- but regardless, effort AND health are both in the same vein of caring for yourself.
I might get annoyed the next time someone compliments me like that: Luca, you’re such good kid, you’ve always been doing the right thing! Thanks, but we all should know I could be an outcast with horrible habits if I let it happen. You aren’t different from me- look at the top of the site, that quote “Blog posts from a guy who is just like you”. That’s why I included that quote. Stop thinking you can’t be something, especially when your reason exists because you think the other person is on a different playing field.
Alright, time to play some Mortal Kombat X. Raiden’s a mothafuckin’ G.
Thanks for reading
Luca DeJesu, 4:53 PM